Close Encounters of the Mommy Kind

•August 15, 2008 • 6 Comments

Okay. Thursday was a little weird. Homer doesn’t believe in the mysticism full moons and claims it’s all overblown co-inky-dinks. I know better. I see them coming well before it gets dark and the cheese-sphere rises above me.

Here’s what I mean. Judge for yourself.

I stopped by the lab to do the pre-employment drug screen for my new job. On the way, I realized that I probably shouldn’t have left my return flow credits in the bathroom that morning.

Hmmmm. A very feasible excuse for a Starbucks run. Hello? Venti Passion Tea Lemonade (unsweetened) please?

Slurp. Gulp. Ahh.

I figured by the time my name was called, I’d be ready to drain again.

Oops! Maybe not.

The line wasn’t as long as I was expecting and I didn’t make my quota.

Back the the waiting room to drink my large glass of water in shame. I had a half hour and the tech suggested coffee, so hmmm. Back to Starbucks.

Hello? Tall Peppermint Mocha?

Sip. Ouch. Hot. Blow. Sip. Ouch. Hot. (Repeat about 75 times on the drive back to the lab.)

I only had 30 minutes between attempts to, as Project Runway’s Tim Gunn would say, ‘make it work.”

By this time the waiting room had filled and I had to squeeze to the back to find an empty chair that wasn’t next to a person that was too old, too scary, or too fragrant for me to share space with.

Okay. Must. Finish. Coffee. Must. Pee. Enough. Stomach. Hurting. Too. Much. Sugar. Too. Much. Caffeine. Too. Fast.

I look over my cup and realize there’s a woman sitting across from me. She looks familiar.

Hold please. Scanning. Scanning. Processing. BING.

Oh my Godded.

She’s the HotMess Mom from DayMommy land (Before you get all up in my kool aid about being a judgmental bitch, Homer and I call her this because its her license plate).

She’s fixing her hot pink stiletto pump with duct tape while she’s waiting. We see each other every day when we drop off and pick up our kids. We usually make polite conversation (if she’s not on her cell phone). But, what do you do when you run into someone in a place that’s so, uh, personal?

It’s not like the grocery store or ballet class. You know what you’re there for and it’s obvious to everyone else. But the medical lab? Hmmm. How does that convo start?

“So, what are ya in for? Prego test? HIV? Cholesterol?…Oh drug test? Good for you, uh I hope. Is it to get a job or keep a job? Voluntary, employer ordered, or ummm court ordered?…Oh great…Well, I hope it comes out clean! Hey, let’s get the kids together sometime, they can play, we can make some cocktails….oops! maybe that’s not such a good idea….Excuse me as I pull my head out of my ass and my foot out of my mouth….Oh. you’re up first. I guess I’ll see ya after school. Take care. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.”

Friday Funnies: My man gets his groove on

•August 14, 2008 • 9 Comments

or, ummm maybe not.

Sorry Mr. I-hope-you’re-going-to-be-President, when Ellen’s got better moves than you, you probably need to give up your Soul Train gold card.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 Reasons why August is kicking July’s ass

•August 13, 2008 • 12 Comments
Think thats ketchup around her mouth? Think again. Look out July, Boo is gonna put the Kung Fu moves on ya.

Think that's ketchup around her mouth? Think again. Look out July, Boo's gonna put the Kung Fu moves on ya

If you’re new to my blog, you may want to check out posts like this one and that one, and maybe this one. You’ll get a sense of why July 2008 pretty much sucked big donkey balls for me. (Sorry for the language ma, sometimes there’s just no substitute for some good ol’ trailer park cussin’.)

We’re nearly halfway through August and life is already looking up. Here’s why:

  1. I got my office moved to my new department and I got a decent space with people I know and like.
  2. I got to interview my new hero Anissa and be a snarky pain in the ass for Overflowing Brain’s gracious questions.
  3. My dad spent two weeks in Montana with my sister, had a good time, and came back safe and sound.
  4. My aunt survived a nasty bout of pneumonia while on one of her crazy road trips across country. They’ve moved her to hospice care because she’s become too onery for the hospital staff, which means she’ll probably be just fine.
  5. One of the people I had to lay off found a job and she likes it (so far).
  6. I finally got to meet my brother-in-law. I married into this family eight and a half years ago and I had never laid eyes on Homer’s sister’s husband in person in spite of the fact that I’ve drawn his name in the family Christmas gift exchange at least three times over the last 10 years.
  7. We had a great family BBQ at our house last weekend. It was party time in the land of the blazing day star. Family, fun, sun and Boo jumped off the diving board by herself for the first time.
  8. I made it to my 100th post. That post got me my highest traffic numbers yet. (Thanks for your support!)
  9. We made some decent progress on our summer to do list (Kung Fu Panda - check, spent some quality time with family (see above) - check)
  10. I interviewed for a new job on Monday, got the offer on Tuesday, and accepted it on Wednesday.
  11. Said job pays be substantially more than what I’m making now, appears to be pretty recession-proof and seems to be a good fit.
  12. Said job will also pay for me to get my Master’s degree (now I just have to find time to do it).
  13. I’m going to get paid to be an opinionated mom. The day I got the job offer, I was also contacted about doing my first paying blog gig. It’s a city guide for parents of preschoolers. It’ll be a separate site. I’ll keep you posted when it’s live in the next few months. It’s not going to make me millions, but some extra cash for my trip to the hair goddess and for the family vacation fund is a bonus. I knew my smart mouth (and fingers for that matter) would pay off at some point.

So, how is your August so far? I hope it’s as great as mine!

Wordless Wednesday: Mountain Men

•August 12, 2008 • 3 Comments

Wordless Wednesday: The shirt says it all

•August 12, 2008 • 8 Comments

Fear and Parenting Reviews: The Back to School Edition - Part I

•August 10, 2008 • 12 Comments

Boo is heading off to her first “real school” this fall. Granted, it’s only Pre-K, but it’s the school (Ye Olde Catholic School - hereinafter YOCS) that she’s going to be at for the next 10 years. When you’re four, 10 years may as well be 100.

We had registration last week and now we’re officially in the “back-to-school” season. Uniforms, tuition, milk money, before and after care, parent handbooks, fundraisers…it’s all starting to make my head spin a bit. Homer was a Catholic school kid, but I wasn’t. This is all a bit new to me - both as a mom and as a first-time Catholic school parent.

I’m guessing other Vegas moms and dads (and parents in other cities and towns) are dealing with some of the same issues. So, I’m giving the Catholic school virgin’s version of Cool Mom Picks for Vegas. Here’s some of the local resources and recommendations I have based on my experiences this year. There are about 10 or so topics I’m going to cover, so I’m breaking this up into multiple posts.

Feel free to add in your picks and advice in the comments. The more, the better.

(Note: This is the “after” shot. Notice my handsome man in his hot ride after his first cut. Look out ladies!)

1. The haircut.
Don’t wait until the weekend before school to get the new do. The salon/barber shop is going to be a madhouse. Besides, you’re probably going to need a few days to figure out how to style it and how long it’ll take you (or your kid, if they can do their own hair) to do in the morning so you can plan your wake-up time appropriately. If you’re in Vegas, I highly recommend Cool Cuts for Kids on West Sahara. Your kid can play video games or watch movies while getting their hair cut - a key element for my squirmers. The wait’s usually not bad if you get their early (If you’re going in on a weekend, call ahead and make an appointment, you can walk in, but you may be in a holding pattern for awhile).

Mr. Jack gets a hand (or a hold) from Homer. Sometimes the Wiggles just aren’t enough to keep the boy still.

Jack and Jodi are the main stylists at the shop and they’ve been cutting my kids’ hairs since there were hairs long enough to cut. Jack is your quintessential barbershop guy. Friendly, personable, and remembers your name (even though we’re there only once every three months or so). What’s cooler is that he can get your kid started on the video game and give him/her tips without cutting his/her ears off. Jodi just took four inches off Boo’s locks and she loves it. Jodi also gets Doodle to calm down and tames the cowlick from hell. Now, if I could only get it to stay down. Hmmm. Would crazy glue be a bad idea?

I know, Doodle. The cowlick makes me cry, too.

2. Uniforms.
Since Boo’s in Pre-K we get an easy year in the uniform department. The little ones wear the PE stuff (I’m guessing for comfort and easy bathroom access for late bloomers). It’s great for me - no fights over what to wear, but I’m waiting for Boo to realize that she won’t be wearing pink dresses, fingernail polish, her button bracelet, or any hair accessory that isn’t the school’s colors on a Monday through Friday for the next 10 years.

Shopping tip: Find a parent of a kid who already goes to the school. Ask them what they will REALLY use throughout the year and how much. We have a summer and winter uniform, but since it doesn’t get below 80 until sometime in late October (if we’re lucky), we can wait and get the cold-weather gear then. Also, see if your school has a uniform swap day. You can probably pick up stuff in good condition from other parents who begrudgingly shelled out for the next size up back in April, and the summertime growth spurt has left them scrambling. If you have to buy new, see if you can order from the vendor before they come to the campus to sell their wares. They’ll usually just bring your order to the school, saving you the hassle of fighting for the last 6x jumper or digging through piles of sweats to find a pair that are long enough, but will stay snug around the waist (no bad moons rising, please!). When you get there, you can do a quick try-on, exchange what doesn’t fit and be on your way in half the time.

3. The purses.
It’s all about the bags - lunchboxes and backpacks. We were fortunate that a friend gifted Boo an awesome, sturdy, personalized backpack with her name embroidered on it a few years ago. It’s pink, so she loves it, of course. I think it came from Pottery Barn Kids. She’s used it for the last year at preschool and it still looks as new as the day she got it. I think it’ll last her a couple more years, since I don’t expect her to be bringing home encyclopedias for homework for her first few years.

I wish I could say we had the same sense and sensibility about the lunchbox situation. We looked at Lands End and other retailers recommended by Cool Mom Picks, but Boo would have nothing of it. She insisted on a Barbie lunchbox (Target, $5.99). Ugh. Barbie and I don’t have a great track record and I hate contributing to the Mattel Industrial Complex, but I’ve got to pick my battles these days. I’m putting my foot down about Hannah Montana. Fortunately, she picked out a cute purse-like lunch bag. It’s pink (of course) and has cell-phone shaped pockets. A good size for a cereal bar and a juice for an after-school snack. I doubt it’ll last through to next year, but it’s a battle I’m willing to lose.

We’ll that’s enough ranting for now. Come back later, there’s plenty more ahead.

Tag! I’m It!

•August 9, 2008 • 4 Comments

My PW buddy Perpstu from Poppingbubbles tagged me the other day. I’m usually not much of a meme person, but I can never say “no” to Perpstu.

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I had just moved from Reno back to Vegas. Homer and I were “co-habitating.” I was his first roommate. Needless to say, there was some training involved…me teaching him how to live with a woman that wasn’t his mother and him teaching me to take care of his animal collection before he went to Australia.

What are five things on my to-do list today?
1. Fold four or five loads of laundry
2. Clean the house before family-get-together
3. Shop for said get-together
4. Take the kids to the Las Vegas Springs Preserve with Perpstu and LW
5. Take the kids to get their hairs cut

Snacks I enjoy:

  • Cool Ranch Doritos
  • Diet Coke (it is my lifeblood)
  • Chocolate-covered graham crackers
  • Cupcakes
  • Popcorn with M&Ms

Places I’ve lived:

  • Sun Valley, CA
  • Port Hueneme, CA
  • Las Vegas, NV
  • Carson City, NV
  • Reno, NV
  • Littleton, CO

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Hmmm. A billion in this economy goes quick, especially considering half goes to Uncle Sam.

I would:

  1. Do some sensible stuff (e.g., pay off “bad” debt; set up trusts for the kids that would give them stability, but not security; invest it so it keeps growing, etc.)
  2. Build a custom house with guest houses for my parents and in-laws to live in when they can’t live on their own and a “herp house” for Homer’s reptile collection. Of course, it will have a kick-ass scrapbook room.
  3. Get Homer the flying lessons he’s always wanted and a share in a plane.
  4. Take care of my family (help pay off debts, money for college educations, etc)
  5. Give money to my alma mater to build a parking garage (because it’s a building that ALL students would truly be thankful for).
  6. Buy vacation condos in Colorado, Europe and some island nation.
  7. Finally buy myself a new car.
  8. Go to pastry school. Why? Because I love cake.

Cent

•August 7, 2008 • 41 Comments

  1. Playing the clarinet
  2. Running track
  3. Boo’s handmade Christmas stocking

What do these three things have in common? Things that I started with great passion and then gave up after it got too tough or I got distracted by another shiny object in my life.

One hundred posts is pretty impressive for me. I know, I know, compared to a lot of other bloggers, 100 is barely breaking a sweat. Not much to brag about.

Well, for a girl who ran in one track meet and had to get off the course because she was so far behind and they had to start the next heat, this is a pretty big deal for me.

So, all you lurkers out there, give me a little love. I’m hoping to break a new indoor record on my blog and get 100 comments on my 100th post. Leave me your love below. Tell me I suck. Tell me I don’t matter. Tell me that you’re sorry that I’m happily married, but if Homer ever screws up, you’ll be happy to take his sloppy seconds. It doesn’t matter what you say. Just give me a pulse.

Here’s a little inspiration…ladies and gentlemen…Stevie Wonder

Thursday 13: It’s All About You

•August 6, 2008 • 10 Comments

Last week, I had the distinct honor to interview Anissa from Hope4Peyton. Overflowing Brain had the joyous pleasure misfortune of grilling me this week. You think you know me by now? Check it out. You may learn something.

I recently got some nice compliments on my interviewing skills. (Thanks Neil, Claudia and Serena, keep buttering me up, it gets you link love every time). I actually do a lot of interviewing and research in my day job. I’ve always been compelled by interesting human interest stories (hence my reality TV addiction).

So, I’m going to interview all of you. Just 13 questions. Spend no more than 15 minutes on it. If you do, you’re overthinking it. Copy the questions into the comments and fire away. I can’t wait to learn more about you.

1. Your name/alias
2. Your blog (with URL please)
3. Do you conceal your RW identity when blogging? Why or why not?
4. What’s your best post ever? (again URL please) Why?
5. Who’s the coolest person to ever comment on your blog?
6. Have you ever hurt a RW friend or family member by something you’ve posted? How did you handle it?
7. Which blogroll are you willing to sell your soul to get onto?
8. Have you ever posted something and realized afterward that maybe you revealed too much? What was it about and what did you do?
9. What’s your favorite blog to read? (Bonus points if you say it’s mine, but I’ll still call you a kiss ass behind your back.)
10. Plurk or Twitter? Has either increased your blog traffic?
11. What’s been the weirdest search term that someone’s used to find your blog?
12. If we were writing a Miss Manners book for the blogosphere, what rule or piece of advice would you want to see in it?
13. Is there anything you wanted to ask me?

Wordless Wednesday: A Broader Perspective

•August 5, 2008 • 8 Comments