The Christmas Nighmare before Halloween

Halloween is still more than half a month away.

So, why am I already seeing lists of the “Top Toys for Christmas“?

I know the economy is down and all, so why are retailers already filling my mailbox with catalogs and my inbox with ads? I busted Boo the other day as she pulled out a red marker to start circling her wish list items. Not a big deal…except she was using my couch for a desk.

Some of these “hot toys” are just odd. Some are creepy. Some are downright disturbing. Such as…

The Elmo Live Doll from Fisher Price
What’s Christmas without some sort of Elmo doll that send parents diving for an off switch after five minutes on Christmas morning. I love the Sesame Street folks to death and Doodle’s a huge Elmo fan, but $60 for another talking Elmo doll? Come on folks. Isn’t that a bit nuts? I know some unemployed folks who would be happy to roll in a pile of red fuzz and dance like an idiot for 60 bucks and hour. Why not keep my dollars local?

Elmo’s Tickle Hands
Again with the Elmo stuff? File this one under disturbing. Just think of what things could happen if these hands got into the wrong….uh…hands. If you’re too pure of mind to know what I’m talking about, watch this (warning NSFW or kids):

Moxie Girlz
Okay. It appears that these dolls are a step back into sanity after moms like me ranted about the inappropriateness of Bratz dolls, but still, the dolls answer the question of what would happen if Pippi Longstocking and Crystal Gayle could somehow cross-breed.

Edward and Bella dolls from Twilight
Really folks? Isn’t it bad enough to discover your son using Barbie and Ken as sex education visual aids? Now we have to endure Vitamin D-deficient, abstinent blood-sucker dolls? Does Bella come with fang marks? Or is that a part of an overpriced accessory kit to come? Does Edward really have sparkle skin? If they make him day-glo, kids could actually use him as a night light! Congrats on your successful novel Stephanie Meyer, but enough with the merchandising already.

I can’t wait to see what they come up with next. Frankly, it makes me a little glad that my Christmas budget is a fraction of previous years’. It’ll force me and the kids to be much pickier about what ends up on Santa’s list.