You can find me here

Yep, I’m heading out to the Strip tonight to ring in the New Year with Homer, his brother and wife, four of their five kids and my nephew (and a partridge in a pear tree, perhaps?) and about 350,000 of our closest drunks friends. Wish me well. If I’m not back by dawn, check the street sweepers for my trampled carcass.

While I’m away, check out these wise and funny bits of advice from the folks at Vegas.com about making the most of the holiday in Sin City.

Call me The Amazing Kreskin

Gazing into my crystal ball (This isn’t me, but he could be a distant relative of Homer’s), here are my top 10 predictions for 2009:

1. I will get a note home (or a parent/teacher conference) about Doodle hitting or biting another child. No, I’m not looking forward to it and yes, we’re trying to get him to “use his words.” This kids got a lot of energy and not enough holes from which to appropriately vent. The grounds a-rumblin, Homer. Stand back folks, he’s gonna blow!

2. Our new president will be blamed by Fox News for effects from decisions made by previous administrations. Yep, Obama’s inheriting a big old rat’s nest back in DC. I’m guessing being the leader of the free world entities you to a pretty sizable pair of big-boy pants. I think, in the end, he’ll be fine and we’ll all be better for it.

3. Boo will be reading me bedtime stories by the end of the year. She’s starting to read now, so it’s not a huge stretch. Fortunately, she’s got her dad’s big brain. I just hope she doesn’t have my crappy eyesight,

4. Speaking of which, I will (Lord-willing) be lens-free for the first time in 20 years thanks to Lasik surgery next month. Can I get a “woo hoo!”?

5. My dad won’t make it to next Christmas. It’s not that I’m hoping for his passing (although he seems to be). His self-abuse has really taken its toll and things are likely to start compounding sooner than later.

6. The economy will still be tough next year, but things will be looking brighter by the holidays. Well, here’s to hoping!

7. We’ll have a new heart beating under our roof. No. I’m not expecting. Nor do I want to be. EVER AGAIN. (I love my kids, but I’m DONE!) It’s just that we haven’t had a new pet in the house for a long time and we’re dangerously low on felines in the house (only two at this point), so I have this sneaking suspicion that something furry, scaly, or slimy will be crossing our threshold in the next twelve months.

8. I will be at BlogHer this year. Yes, I realize that this purchase has made this trip pretty much out of financial reach, but I’ve racked up enough frequent flier miles from my work trips and if find enough people to pack into a hotel room and promise to only eat Taco Bell and drink tap water, I just may be able to swing it. Besides, if I write it in my blog, it has to come true, right.

9. I will talk with online friends and RL friends online more than I do in person. Oh wait, that’s happening now. So, does that count?

10. I will have blogged 365 times by the end of 2009. Some of it will be here and the rest will be here or here or maybe on someone who’s willing to sublet space on their page, but I’ll do it. REALLY I WILL!

Thank you Debra Messing

I’d like to thank my evil twin Debra Messing for being the most popular search term that has driven people to my blog this year. Yes, my nearly shirtless photo of Michael Phelps was a big driver and “cat paw” was an odd draw thanks to posts like this and this, but the hot mamma redhead did me right this year. So, one of my New Year’s resolutions will apparently be to work in her name or image into as many posts as possible next year.

So thanks Debra. If I bring you a latte, can you lend me your hair gods and personal trainer?

photo from people.com

Top 11 Awesome Things about 2008

Okay, since I totally dumped out the crap bucket of 2008 yesterday (and I apparently freaked out a few of my readers), never fear, the good outweighs the bad of the last twelve months by far. Here are eleven things to start with (sorry for the uneven count – I decided to go with a prime number to impress Homer). Anyway, I reserve the right to come back with more.

1. Doodle took his first steps, said his first words, celebrated his first birthday, threw his first deliberate Category 5 tantrum, had his first trip to Disneyland and uttered the best first sentence EVER.

2. I got a new job that’s a step up and forward from my last one AND they sent me to Disneyland in my first month.

3. I had a great visit with my brother and his family and had a tough, but really needed conversation.

4. Boo started Pre-K with just a little turmoil here and there.

5. I got Iris.

6. I was mistaken for being ten years younger than I really am.

7 . I started this blog and met some incredible people online (y’all know who you are).

8. I picked up two paid blogging gigs one over at The Imperfect Parent and one as the Las Vegas city editor at Savvy Source, which actually got me on TV and, as a byproduct, forced me to go public.

9. I ate the best meal of my life thanks to my local public radio station.

10. I became a Honda-Driving Ballet Mom.

11. The country decided it was time for a change.

Not bad, eh? I’m pretty damn smug about it. Stay tuned. The 2009 prognostications are on their way.

In the meantime, have fun reading some of my other stuff like…

It’s gonna take a Christmas miracle to fix this one
and
A New Fish Bowl in the White House
and my guest post over in Big Poppa’s house
Elephants on Parade?

Top 5 Things that Sucked about 2008

Ahh, it’s that time of year again. All of the retrospectives come rolling by. The “best of 2008″ lists will fill our blogs and Tivos for the next week. The 2009 prognostications are ruminating as I write.

So, why fight it?

Overall, this year was a good one for me, but I’ll write about that later. After all, you’ve got to trudge through the crap to find the rainbow, right? So, here are five crappy things that happened this year in my world.

5. My cat got cancer. (bad news) It’s operable (great news). Ooops! We had to take off his front arm (crappy news). Hey! A lot of cats learn to adapt with three legs (okay news). He couldn’t thermoregulate and died (crap) at the vet (double crap) without me (triple crap).

4. My dad is sick and he’s being a real a*hole about it. Heart disease, diabetes, and depression make for a really big pain in the kesiter of a man. He’s sick and we’re all getting pretty sick of it too.

3. There are people in this country who think it’s okay to pass constitutional amendments that deny civil rights to a segment of our population based on who they love. We’re not talking rednecks and sheep here. We’re talking about responsible, consenting adults.

2. Homer’s brother and his wife lost his house in the foreclosure crisis. It was incredibly stressful on their family and Homer’s parents.

1. I had to lay off my entire staff back in June. Yep, I let go four of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. I had to sit by and deal with the fact that the work I had done for the last four years wasn’t valued by the people who called the shots. Not exactly a career high point, but certainly a defining moment.

So excuse me for a moment while I go eat dirt.

I’ve got to go wipe some snot. Don’t worry. It’s Doodle’s. Not mine.