You’re gay? You want to get married!?!

Boo!

[I say that in a Halloween context, not in a Sarah Palin at a Red Wings game sense of the term.]

Oh, I’m scared. If you, gay man or lesbian woman, choose to take on the yoke of blessed matrimony, enter into a sacred and committed covenant, and (Heaven forbid!) procreate and raise children, I am sure that my relationship with Homer will fall apart and my children will be in foster homes by the end of the week.

Okay, if you haven’t clued in by now (and trust me there are some that haven’t), THAT was satire. I’ve been inspired by my Plurk buddy DotLizard to air a personal struggle I’ve been challenged with for the last two years. In case you missed it, DotLizard drafted a very articulate post about her position against California’s proposition 8 – the anti gay marriage amendment to California’s constitution. I was pleased to be one of the first to comment on the post and I couldn’t have framed my position much better than she did.

Here’s my rub. I am a Catholic girl (by choice) married to a Catholic guy (by nearly birth), raising Catholic kids with support from a parochial school system. There are quite a few aspects of church’s doctrine with which I disagree – gay marriage is just one on the list. When it comes down from the pulpit, I just smile, nod, and keep my mouth shut (I know that’s hard to believe, but it is possible at times). I can live with a little cognitive dissonance in my life. After all, the parish priest is not so foolish as to think that his entire flock has never taken birth control pills or had a vasectomy, eh?

Homer and I are a part of a Catholic marriage ministry. It’s been great for us and for hundreds of couples who have made retreat weekends here in Las Vegas for the past 25 years or so. There are a lot of great aspects about the program – improving daily communications, focusing on feelings and mutual respect and understanding, making God a part of our relationship, etc. – that we wholly embrace. Unfortunately in their fervor to promote the sacrament of marriage, they’ve gotten themselves whipped up in support of Prop. 8. We ignore articles in the e-newsletter and it doesn’t come up much in our local group, but we pretty much had a big loving spoonful shoved down our throats at the convention this summer.

They staged a media event where they asked all of the couples to sign a vinyl banner proclamation in support of sole recognition heterosexual marriage. Needless to say, Homer and I were not at that playground. Two other couples from Las Vegas joined our silent protest (i.e., a nap back at the hotel). It turned out that they didn’t get the publicity they were hoping for, but, for us, it was really the principle of the thing that stuck in our respective craws.

We’ve been in the process of reconsidering our commitment to this ministry (an annual process all couples who give the weekends go through) and this has been a big issue for me. How can I be a part of a marriage ministry that doesn’t minister to some couples because God made them who they are? Does our continued affiliation with this ministry give implied support to Prop. 8? If we pull out of the ministry, do we pull out of the church as well?

As you can see, I can really get myself thinking (and possibly over thinking) on this. Should we leave well enough alone and wait out the “silly season” and work to change the organization from the inside? Should we leave in protest? Where does our affiliation with the Catholic Church play in all of this?

The cognitive dissonance is starting to give me a headache.