Dear Teacher

Allison J from over at the Imperfect Blog asked her readers for feedback on what they really wanted from a teacher. My thoughts were too much for a comment box, so here goes….

Dear Mrs. Teacher:

Thank you for doing a job I could not be paid enough to do. Thank you for choosing to love children and persevere through days of tantrums, scissor fights, and potty training. Thank you for exposing yourself to every known communicable disease and still showing up. Believe it or not, I truly respect your influence on my child and the contributions you make to our community.

Please know that, deep down, I realize that my child does not poop rainbows and puke butterfiles. However, since she sprouted from me four and a half years ago, I see her as a reflection on me, my abilities as a parent, and my capacity as a human being. I know that’s a huge load for a 4.5 year old, but she’s got some pretty broad shoulders and I’m saving up for her therapy.

So, when she makes a new friend, she becomes my Miss Congeniality (complete with sash and roses).When she discovers that numbers mean something, she’s my Albert Einstein. When she learns to tie her shoes, I’ll start looking for colleges with great engineering programs.

Yes, deep down, I know my kid is not THAT special, but to me, she is. Bear with me. I know I’m a pain in the ass and I ask way too many questions, but if you give me what I need, you’ll get what you need.

Need more paper towels, construction paper, books, A/V equipment? Tell me. Don’t waste my time by making me hock wrapping paper and cookie dough to every unsuspecting co-worker who’s crazy enough to walk into my office in October or March. Let’s cut out the middle man. Tell me what you need. I’ll do what I can for you. There are others who share my dogma and we’ll pool resources. I don’t have that many presents to wrap and, sure as hell, my ass needs cookie dough like I need a hole in the head.

Also, lay it on me. I know my kid can be a bossy, know-it-all pain in the arse (I have NO idea who she gets THAT from…it must have skipped a generation). If we need to work on something at home, please don’t wait until we have to have a parent/teacher conference to figure out what we’re going to to to fix “the problem.” You’ve been around the block enough to know what’s worth a raised eyebrow and what warrants a time out. If you need reinforcements from me, just say the word. I got your back.

So, dear teacher, all I ask is for some open lines of communication. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours and we’ll have her pooping rainbows in no time.

Love,

Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas

Save water. Eat out more often.

If you’re in town Sept. 1-7, 2008, make plans to eat out and help the community. It’s Restaurant Week around here (well, actually given the state of our culinary ascension, it’s always restaurant week for me). You can indulge yourself at one of more than 50 eateries with a price fixe menu for $25.08 for lunch or $50.08 for dinner. Think that’s a little spendy? Well, we’re not talkin’ your corner burger joint. Some of the participating restaurants include:

• Aureole
• Border Grill
• Bradley Ogden
• craftsteak
• Daniel Boulud Brasserie
• NOBHILL
• Suski Roku
• T-Bones (where I saw the Real Housewives of the OC last weekend)
• Todd English’s Olives
• Vintner Grill
• and more…

A portion of the proceeds goes directly to Three Square to help end hunger in our city. Check them out. Eat early and often so you can help someone who eats rarely and little.

This blog will be temporarily interrupted…

Today is my last day at my job. While I am not happy about why I’m leaving, I’m ecstatic that I’m going on my own terms and to what appears to be a better situation for me and for my family. This blog is taking on new lives that are really exciting. Thanks to so many of you who have commented, plurked, and e-mailed me directly with your words of support. Your words have given me strength, laughter and hope.

I am heading offline for a few days to regroup with the clan and prepare for the new path ahead of me. Never fear, Fear and Parenting goes on. I have pre-loaded a few gems to keep you occupied while I’m away. Please commenting and keep each other busy. Heaven knows what you’ll do if left to your own mischief!

I’ll also be undergoing an equipment change at FandPinLV. Homer and I will be sharing a laptop until the Apple folks get off their keisters and release the new laptops (which had better be next month, or I’m going to bleach every one of Steve Jobs’ black turtlenecks — really after what I had to go through to get an iPhone, can you blame me?). Frankly, I think that it would be easier for us to go to a one-car household than a one-laptop household, but sacrifices must be made. Ugh. So please bear with me. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that wireless cards and networks can join together and function as they were designed.

Thanks again for your support. You all mean the world to me.

Quick Follow Up: Stuff a Bag and Save Big Bucks

Did you catch last week’s review of local kids’ consignment shops?

If you’re a Vegas parent, check out Kid to Kid’s clearance sale Labor Day weekend. You can get as much clearance stuff as you can stuff into a special bag for $10. Apparently a customer last year got $80 worth of stuff in her bag. Not a bad deal, especially if you want to stock up on stuff for next summer.

Thursday 13: Thirteen Indicators that You Live in Las Vegas

Anyone who’s lived here for any amount of time has probably seen all or some of these. Nonetheless they are funny, true, and worth sharing. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. You notice the best parking spaces are determined by the amount of shade, not the distance from your intended destination.
2. You need a sweater when the temperature drops below 85 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. You’ve discovered that you can get sunburned through a car window.
4. You no longer associate bridges with water.
5. You don’t know anyone who owns a raincoat or galoshes.
6. You don’t find it strange that the grocery store, pharmacy, gas station, and 7-11 all have video poker machines in them.
7. You’ve cooked a dozen eggs in the trunk of your car when driving home from the grocery store.
8. You’ve seen asphalt in it’s liquid state (after it’s been laid).
9. You look forward to hurricanes in Mexico.
10. Your pool is too hot to swim in (and you don’t have a heater).
11. Your summertime electric bill is more expensive than your mortgage.
12. You’ve visited the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, Venice, and the pyramids all on the same street.
13. You can’t buy a car on Sunday, but you can buy a drink, gamble, and/or get a massage.

Check out Angela. I don’t agree that Vegas is ugly, per se, but she’s funny.