Thursday 13: Thirteen Weird Things at my House

Please don’t judge us by our crap. But then again, the stuff in our house says a lot about who we are. Check it out.

1. Okay, this is pretty tame. Homer loves the Simpsons (hence his nickname). One of his prized pieces of memorabilia is the remote control Bart who whizzes around by manipulating parts of Krusty’s face.

2. This was a house-warming gift from a friend who, when appropriately clothed and makeup-ed bears a striking resemblance to a postmortem Earnest Hemingway. Before you call the feds on us, Realized that said friend scraped this out of the rock himself with a nail because he was bored at work (sitting in the desert). Not too many folks have a custom pecker-glyph in their house. Weird, but cool.

3. Okay Alice, know what this is? Crawl up on the giant mushroom and check it out. While these have become pretty common in Vegas, I realize this may be weird to my peeps in middle America. Heck, who am I kidding. You kids have too much time on your hands, you’ve got homemade stuff that’s gotta blow this out of the water.

While I’d like to be cool and say the hookah in regular use, sorry Charlie, FandPinLV is a serious square. This was a gift from my big bro who lives in the middle east. It’s only been used for flavored tobacco (none of the wacky stuff – big bro is a bigger square than me) and never in my house.

4. This is another gift from big bro. I know there’s some cool Arabic name for it, but I can’t remember, pronounce, or spell it. It’s generally referred to as the…

“cool-curvy-horse-head-knife-that-isn’t-supposed-to-actually-cut-

anything-that-your-brother-gave-us”.

Wow. I feel the culture oozing from my pores.

5. Speaking of culture, this was another gift. It has it’s own really cool symbolism that’s way too serious for this post. It does mean a lot to us. However, we realize to our visitors it looks like some strange pygmy drum circle.

6. Face it. This is cute. A little weird, but cute. Really, who doesn’t need a belly-flopping frog on their bar shelf to lighten the mood of a tequila hangover? Seriously. How could you resist?

Allrighty… enough of the cute stuff. Let’s move this party to the garage.

7. This is a bear vault. This is a bear vault sitting inside of an aquarium. This is a bear vault sitting inside of an aquarium inside of a garage in LAS VEGAS. Yes, I know Homer and his friend camp in the mountains, but this whole setup makes me giggle.

8. The signs. I married Hector the Collector. One of his many obsessions is signs. He insists that all of these acquisitions are legal catches, but I’m pulling the George Bush I “Don’t ask, don’t tell” card.

It’s not just road signs he’s into. We have some political memorabilia as well. This guy was three governors ago. He was a pretty good guy, apparently his sign didn’t get as much respect as he did.

Homer is not a laborer, so I have no idea why he has this or has kept it. I just know I see it every time I take the recycling out.

Now, on to one of my faves. The objets d’art that inspired this list in the first place.

9. and 10. Barbie and Buzz Lightyear. These guys are two of Homer’s favorite finds. You see, he spends lots of time tracking critters in the Mojave and finds the craziest crap ever. We have no idea what happened to these two, They came to us this way. I’m guessing it was one hell of a party and fireworks were involved. Disembodied Buzz is missing a leg and those aren’t fishnets on Barbie. One of these days I’ll host a contest about these two. Stay tuned. They’ll be back.

It’s hot out here, let’s get back inside. While we’re on the subject of weird stuff found in the dessert…

11. Okay, I married an axe murderer a biologist. He brings his work home sometimes. Dead or alive. In this case, dead. Here’s a sampling of his collection including a dog’s leg bone with a stainless steel rod. Apparently Rover survived a broken leg, but probably made the wrong choice in chasing that mountain lion.

On the brighter side…

12. This little guy is alive and kicking. He’s a leopard gecko, but since he’s an albino, he’s weird even to his cage mates.

And last, but not least is this….

13. Oh, there are so many ways to go with this…where do I start?

The outfit was a bridal shower gift that I got from my big bro’s wife. It’s an authentic belly dancer outfit from the middle east.

I thought I was mortified when I opened it in front of my mother and future mother-in-law nine years ago. That was nothing until I pulled it out of the closet to take a picture of it for this post.

At first I was going to wear it and have Homer take the pic, but then Homer gave me a rough time about wearing it over my clothes (Uh, I know what my body looks like, I won’t show my readers my face. Why would I show them my muffin top in a belly dancer getup?) He grabbed it from me and stripped down. I made him keep his shorts on (feel free to thank me later).

As I said, I’m not sure what’s the most disturbing:

• the belly dancer getup (complete with red nipples and tassles hanging from them),
• Homer’s willingness to don the costume for the sake of my blog, or
• the white tube socks that he decided were necessary to preserve what was left of his dignity.

Weigh in, dear readers and feel free to share the weirdest thing under your roof. Extra points for photo links.

This video goes out to Homer and Boo for being such good sports about this (I got Boo out of bed to model #13 before resorting to Homer’s taller physique). It’s Homer’s favorite Cake song and Boo loves MLP. Maybe this blog will make money someday, enough at least to pay for the therapy.