13 Reasons I’m not going to BlogHer

The superbowl of MommyBlogging starts tomorrow. Will I be there? Uh, no. Do you care? Probably not. But that’s not going to stop me from giving you 13 reasons why I’m not going. It’s Thursday. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.

1. Apparently WordPress isn’t compatible with the BlogHer advertising pimpdom.
2. I’m not as cool as her.
3. Or her.
4. Oh, come on, I’m at least as cool as this dude. Oh well, I guess not.
5. I really don’t need the swag.
6. I wasn’t cool in high school and I’m not cool enough for stories like these.
7. I hate San Francisco. Oh wait, San Francisco is my favorite city. Hmmm.
8. I can get drunk and pass out in the comfort of my own home.
9. I need to spend my weekend trying to find a better job.
10. I don’t want to be away from my kids for a third weekend this summer.
11. I can’t afford it.It’s sold out.
12. I think I would collapse into a babbling mess if I got to meet her.
13. Meeting this guy would really freak me out.